Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Not OK

Just when I think I'm OK, and have come to a place of peace over everything that happened last week, I see something like this and realize I'm not.

I can't wait to hug my Mom today, maybe that's all I really need.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Holiday Shopping!

Do you have someone on your Christmas shopping list that loves getting facials?  Why not let them have the beauty of great skin from their home with holiday deals from DDF Skincare! 
Facials are something I rarely go have done because I feel like I just can't afford it.  That's why I'm eyeballing the DDF 400x Revolve Micro-Polishing System myself and from now until January 31, 2013 this product is 50% off!  That's only $45 folks!!  Nothing makes something more appealing likes saving 50%!!

The DDF 400x Revolve Micro-Polishing System gives you the benefits of professional microdermabrasion but at a MUCH lower cost!  Instead of spending upwards of $100 for one treatment you can spend half that and get MANY's the gift that keeps on giving!  The DDF 400x Revolve Micro-Polishing System will improve your skin tone, give you instant improvement in pore appearance and a radiant glow.  Isn't that what we are all looking for?  Plus, you can use this in the shower or it is easy to travel with!!

Shopping for yourself and not sure this item will work well?  Why not use the free Consultation service offered on the site!  By answering a few questions you can find the skincare product that is perfect for you!  I did this myself and definitely see some Anti-Aging products on my horizon!
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These deals are valid through January 31, 2013 and even include free shipping.  Happy shopping everyone!!

Monday, December 17, 2012

Is that you Santa Claus?

A couple weeks ago Leyton and I participated in a Breakfast with Santa event here in West Sacramento.  I thought it might be the perfect opportunity to introduce him to Santa again.  If you don't remember, or weren't a reader...last year Leyton was not a big Santa fan!

I thought this year might be better.  He's been talking a lot about him.  "Santa's coming from the sky to bring me presents!"  I mean, he can't not like him with thoughts like that.

We got to the breakfast and he was excited and talking about Santa.  As soon as Santa got there, he got dead quiet.  I took him to get in line for his picture.  "I don't want to take a picture with Santa."  Uh oh.  I assured him that Santa was nice and that Mommy would stay right there.

He completely stone walled Santa.  He wouldn't look at him, wouldn't talk to him, wouldn't even acknowledge his existence or take the candy cane from him.

Not quite as bad as last year, but classic Santa photo none the less!

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Heavy heart.

We are 15 days into this month and all I can say so far is ouch.  What a way to ring out the year.  A year that seemed for the most part to be going better than the year previous.

On December 1st, just 15 days shy of her 63rd birthday, my Aunt Carol passed away.  My Aunt lived a very hard life.  She got on a path that lead her down some bad ways that were riddled with addiction.  She had been in and out of my life growing up and I can't say we were ever especially close.  That said, when I found out she had passed away I was saddened.  No matter what she was family.  She also loved my son.  There was something about that boy that just made her giddy and that was such a nice feeling.  I was assured by the fact that she had lived a hard life and was in a much better place now.  It feels like such a cliche, but very true.

On Tuesday, December 11th I got a call at work from my Sister in Law.  I knew it wasn't good and picked up the phone prepared to be told that my Father in Law was in the hospital.  He has not been in the best of health since August so it was easier to assume this is what had happened.  When the words "Mom is in the hospital" came out of her mouth I didn't know what to say.  While my Mother in Law has been suffering from early alzeheimers, she has otherwise been healthy.  She had a stroke and it did not look good.  She passed away the next morning.

Joan was an amazing woman.  She was a concert pianist, a mother of 6 and an overall wonderful woman and Mother in Law.  I don't have any of those traditional Mother in Law stories because the fact of the mater is...I loved her.  She was my family.  She welcomed me into the family from the first moment that I met her.  When I had Leyton I got to see a whole other side.  She loved my son so much it made my heart burst.  Even on her bad days, Leyton could show up to the house and change her world.  She beamed when she looked at him.  She hugged him like she never wanted to let go.  She seemed to love him as much as I do.

I have handled my grief well.  I've tried to stay strong for my husband and the rest of the family, helping however I could.  I cried when no one was looking and smiled when they were.  Then yesterday happened.  I took Leyton out to his Grandma and Grandpa's to see the family and have dinner.  When he started asking "Where's Grandma?" my heart broke.  I don't even know how to answer that.

Some would say not to worry because he is so young he won't remember.  I take absolutely no comfort in that.  I want him to remember her.  I want him to grow up and talk about the stories of the time he spent with Grandma.  I want him to grow up knowing how much she loves him.  Now that can only happen by me telling him, not him having the chance to grow those memories himself.  It makes me angry.  Angry that I didn't have children earlier.  I've been with Bill for so many years, why did we wait so long?  It's so silly I know, but I just can't shake it.

I want my son to have Grandparents.  I grew up with Grandma's, both of my maternal Grandpa's passed away before I had a chance to know them.  I have always wished I had a chance to know them.  Leyton has a wonderful Grandma in Florida.  She loves him like her own as well, but she is so far away.  He lost his other Grandma.  He has a Grandpa here in Davis who I adore, but he is not in great health.  I want Leyton to know how amazing he is.  I want Leyton to have great memories of time he spends with him.  I can only hope we have that kind of time.  Leyton's other Grandpa is an alcoholic.  Leyton doesn't really know who is, he is only Grandpa because I tell him that's who he is.  I give him this title that he does not even deserve.

It breaks my heart.  Losing people you care about sucks and now I have to figure out how to deal with all of this.  I miss you Joan, you forever hold a huge place in my heart.


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