I want to make sure that I don't make this cleanse seem like it is all wine and roses. While I am doing fine and sticking with it, it is NOT easy. Each day I am faced with some sort of challenge and it's rising above those challenges that makes me feel successful. While I find the morning and lunch to be very easy....dinner is DIFFICULT. Part of this may be that there are people in my house who are eating other food, food that I used to eat. I don't have a hard time preparing the food, but once we are all sitting down and I just have a bowl of salad or veggies it is hard to not want what they are having.
Tonight is a perfect example. Tonight was the hardest example.
I came home and gave the hubs some dinner options and he chose breakfast for dinner....my favorite. Now, the smart thing may have been not offering my favorite to him and that way I would just avoid it. I don't want to do that though. I don't want to take the easy route. I want to face my fears and my tough relationships with food.
As we sat down to eat, there in front of me...under a papertowel...was a plate of bacon. I took the papertowel off and had to immediately put it back on. There was no way I could sit and eat my salad while staring down a plate of bacon. The thing is, my mind already knew it was there. Each bite of salad that I ate made me feel sick. I was getting queasy from salad. Why? Because my mind wanted that fucking bacon. I quite literally started to get angry. I hated that bacon. I hated that my family was eating it. I hated that I just had salad. For the next hour and a half I was on edge. I felt short tempered and just annoyed.
All because of bacon.
So, if you still sit back and think to yourself that what I am doing is extreme and a tad crazy I want you to think again. I seriously had a mood altering experience because I wasn't going to eat some BACON. That my friends is more fucked up than eating raw veggies for two weeks.