Thursday, October 11, 2012

Cleanse Day 12

Man, it seems crazy to even write that.  TWELVE!  While this has seemed like a long process, I also can't believe that I am nearing the two week mark.  That is eleven days and one morning of sticking to the plan 100%.  I haven't strayed once.  No licks, no bites, no nibbles.  I've tempted myself with everything I could think of, all my favorites.  I've gotten sad, I've felt sick and I've gotten angry over food.  In doing so I have realized what a tremendous grip food has over me.  I have also realized that 14 days of not having it does not mean I am through the woods.  I'm still in there, tangled in ivy and muddy...trying to find my way out.

I can see people through the woods though.  People who want to help me get out, the question I have to ask is...which direction are they trying to lead me?

There are those saying, "Stacey, come this way....this is too much.  Don't be crazy about this, you can figure this out another way."

There are those saying, "Stacey, you're almost over.  You've done a great job and we have a hot meal waiting for you on the other side."

Then there are those that don't say much.  They just stand there with their arms out.  Sometimes I can see them and sometimes I can't.  I just always know they are there.  Just when things get tough I will hear them.  "You can do this.  You are strong.  We are proud of you."

I know that those are the people I want to follow.  They each have their own take on this.  They each have their own lifestyle and way of eating.  They each have some sort of example that I could learn from in the long run.

The other people aren't bad.  The other people want to help too, but because they don't understand they don't know any other way of trying to help.  What I've done may be crazy to them, but only because they have never had to do anything like this.  Not that they shouldn't, I think everyone could benefit.  They just haven't HAD to.  They also don't quite know where I am coming from.

Here's what I don't think people understand, and this is going to be one of the hardest things I've ever written.  That says a lot coming from someone that has spilled her weight for anyone to see, spilled her guts for anyone to step through.  It seems like such a simple thing to do, but so hard to admit or confess almost.  I want you to know what an average day of eating was like for me.

Breakfast was hit or miss.  At most I would have a bowl of cereal.  After dropping Leyton off on my way to the office I would stop at a convenience store.  I would get a 44oz Diet drink of some sort (mostly Dr. Pepper or Coke).  I would also get either a sleeve of chocolate covered donuts, a Pop Tart or one of the jumbo Big Stuff Reese Peanut Butter Cups (which has two inside).  I would eat this on my way to the office...never where anyone could see.

For lunch I would typically go to Chic Fil A and get the largest nugget meal with fries and of course with more soda.  Or I might head to my local favorite Mexican restaurant for a jumbo bean and cheese burrito with tortilla chips.  If it wasn't those, it was almost always some other sort of fast food.  Somewhere in here I might have a glass of water but that was also hit or miss.

For dinner I would go home and cook a meal.  Casseroles, burgers, new dishes from Pinterest, tacos, etc.  Your pretty standard dinner fare.  I wouldn't say that it was always terribly unhealthy cooking, but I always ate way to much of it and I would rarely have much vegetables in there.

For dessert...and there was ALWAYS dessert, I might get frozen yogurt with more Reeses put into it.  I might have cookies and milk.  I might have ice cream.

By the end of the day, at most I had consumed maybe 16 ounces of water and maybe 1-2 servings of fruit/vegetables if I was lucky.  I don't even want to think about how many calories.

How crazy is that?  If I had told you that is what I was doing, would you still be reaching for my hand saying, "Don't be crazy about this, you can figure this out another way?"  100% of me believes you would not.  You would not because no one wants to tell the fat unhealthy girl that she is fat and unhealthy.  I've had two people in my life EVER tell me I needed to do something about my weight.  One was a doctor that I never saw again and one was a Physical Therapist who told me that if I wasn't careful I would relive my knee injury all over again.  My knee would only tolerate this for so long with the damage I had done to it in that ocean.

So I'm twelve days through.  Twelve days through one of the hardest things I have done.  One of the most challenging cut backs on eating that I have ever experienced.  The one thing I have decided, is 14 days is not enough.  I'm going for the gusto and sticking with it for a month.  I will be adding more fruits and vegetables and some soups in the evenings to fill that "warm meal" craving but I will avoid dairy, meat, sugar and soy for a full month.  From there I don't know where my journey will take me, but I'm certain I will have the knowledge I need to lead me out of this jungle that I have been lost in for so very long.


3 comments:

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Rebecca said...

gGood for You, Stacey!

Cristina C said...

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:) Take care!

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