I still got it.

I started swimming when I was about 7 and swam for most of my life until I was in my mid twenties.  A shoulder surgery stopped me and I never quite got back in the pool on a regular basis.  More surgeries and weight got in the way and made it easy to put swimming on the back burner.  I taught water aerobics each summer, but that was a different kind of pool activity...not the lap swimming that I was used to.

West Sacramento has an amazing rec center and last night my girlfriend and I joined.  When I woke up this morning I decided that I was going to take Leyton to daycare early and go swim.  From the moment that decision was made my worry began.  What if I couldn't swim well anymore.  I'm much heavier than I was before.  I've had shoulder surgery, knee surgery and a c section.  I'm also 10 years older than I was back then.

I made myself a goal.  I would go to the pool and try to swim 500 yards, twenty total laps.  Shit, more worry set in though.  What if I couldn't make it that far?  What if I was too tired.  I broke it down even more.  I'd swim 500 yards and if I did stop for breaks it could be no more than every 4 laps and I HAD to do swim turns.

Seriously, I hadn't even gotten into the pool yet!

Once there I suited up, put my cap on, threw on my goggles and dove in.

It took me 4 arm strokes to realize how ridiculous I was.  It took me 20 laps of breathing every four strokes and doing flip turns at each wall to realize...I still got it.  It wasn't hard, I wasn't killing myself.  I was in that pool swimming like my 140lb 20 something self.  I got into my meditative state and just kept going.  I was no longer the out of shape fat girl.

I did a total of 1500 yards today....my first days in years.  I've never felt more proud and good about myself.  I might feel old sometimes, I might be fat but I will always be able to swim.  I just had to take a couple baby steps to realize that I don't need baby steps.

I can't wait to get back in that water.