This week can seriously take a big old flush down the toilet with the pile of shit that sites in there with it. Ugh, what a terrible week. It's so hard for me when I have a bad week because there are so many that I know that have it much worse than I do. But man sometimes the cards come tumbling down and it's hard not to drink away my sorrows. Yesterday we talked at the office about putting a margarita machine on my desk and trust me when I say that the only thing that could have made this week better is a big fat margarita machine on my desk.
I'm still waiting on the house. I got a glimmer of hope today and I know I have all the time in the world but man now that I want to move I am so unhappy where I am. I could give you a laundry list of all the things I hate in my current house and all the things I daydream about. Then last night I found myself up late and watching some HGTV show called Selling LA and I seriously almost threw a remote through the screen. Watching a completely plastic woman in her 30's, recently divorced with two boys who needs a 8,000 square feet with AT LEAST 6 bedrooms and is willing to pay 8-9 million dollars or even $20,000 a month in rent made me sick. Here I am on a two person income hoping I can find a place that won't cost me more than $1,300. It was a bad night for me to be watching a show like that.
I am also living with a monster right now. I'm not sure if this is what you would call the terrible 2's. But if it is, and it's here for a long time...my son will be lucky to make it to 2. Sorry Leyton when you read this in your 20's. Know that mommy still loves you, she just sometimes wants someone else to take you for a while! I'm not sure how else to describe this stage other than to say that my son wants EVERYTHING and NOTHING at the same time. His only way to let us know what he wants and doesn't want is a screaming crying whining fit. He wants an orange, you peel the orange and suddenly he's screaming NO ORANGE. This is seriously what is happening with everything. Don't even try to join him either when he is playing because it will make him instantly hate whatever he is doing and turn on you. Last night he woke up SCREAMING at 2am. I caved. I went in and slept with him. I don't like doing this but damn, sometimes mommy just needs some sleep. Problem is now he's going to do it tonight, and on and on and on. Needless to say this is not creating any sort of harmony in the Ball household.
Add into the mix work and oh boy do you have a recipe for disaster. People just don't get it. They don't give a shit about all the times you are bending over backwards for them. Most of the time you won't even get a thanks for your hard work. But oh when there is a problem, there they are. The problem may not have even been started by you, and you may have fixed the problem. However, they will be there waving their finger in your face about all you could have done. That said, there is nothing worse than being a grown woman and not having someone want to face you when there is trouble. Instead they go to your "daddy" or at least that is what it feels like.
Then there is me. When all this shit happens I start feeling sorry for myself. I start wondering why can't things go smoothly, why are there so many bumps in my road. Then that self pity turns to frustration because there are people that deal with shit much heavier than me. People that have these gigantic burdens to face every day and I get mad at myself for having a pity party. This woman in LA for example, how am I any different than her? I think, there are people that would see where I live now and think I'm the selfish bitch who wants to have more.
It's the American way though right? We can't just be happy with what we have. How's that for the end of a Friday blog post.
Now, where's my damn margarita machine.