Leyton is going to be turning a year old soon, it is just around the bend. It feels crazy to think that almost a year has passed since I had him. The difficulty of those first few months feel like a blur and a lifetime away already. It's that blur that makes people want to have more children. Everyone is different but honestly if you asked me in the first two months if I'd have more down the road I actually felt like kicking your ass. The comment, "Do this again? Are you fucking crazy?" sat on the edge of my tongue as I smiled and said "Oh, we're not sure yet. We're pretty fine with one."
Now that I've had almost a year to stew it over I will admit I'm still not sure. Truth is, I'm pretty comfortable with one. I've heard the arguments that when Bill and I are older Leyton will be on his own. As an only child though I've realized that's a lame excuse to have more children. The first fact is, kids are expensive. I just don't know if I can afford to have two at this time. The other fact is, the hubby and I are no spring chickens and I'm in no rush to procreate. At 35 and 40 the thought of waiting 3 or so years to try again and being 3 or so years older just seems plain old ridiculous because it just seems plain OLD. I know people do it and I don't look at them and think they are old. For me though, it feels old.
But then there are moments. Moments where he looks at me with those dark eyes that are the perfect color mix of the hubby and I and there is no way we can only have one. How can we not have more when we make such beautiful babies together. There are days when he starts smelling more like a toddler and less like a baby and my lady parts urge to give another human being a home. There are days when I see my niece and nephew interact together and I think, how can I not give Leyton a brother or sister? There are also simple moments when I look at my husband and all I want to do is have 100 of his babies. There are days when I get pictures like this and I start trying to figure out if it would be hard for me to take my own IUD out. Lord help me.