Monday, January 17, 2011

I have a dream....

Today is Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday, today is also my birthday. For the sake of today's post, we are going to call this my re-birth day. I've mentioned that some changes were coming for me in 2011. I didn't want to make any resolutions on New Years because resolutions are almost always made to be broken. Instead I wanted to give it a little more time, think out a plan and it just seemed to be perfect timing with a birthday.

So, here is the big secret people.....I'm fat. In fact, I'm not just fat...I'm obese. Well, now that feels a whole lot better doesn't it? No, not really but let's charge ahead.

I didn't always used to be this way. For most of my life, from the time I hit 5'10"...which was roughly around the 8th grade, I weighed 150lbs give or take. Sometime around 22, when I stopped swimming I crept up to about 190. Oh man was I scared. 10 lbs way from 200lbs? So, I started working out. I swam 2 days a week and did water aerobics 2 days a week. Then I joined Weight Watchers and the pounds just melted away....until I was 137lbs. Yikes, I know.

It was a great plan, but I wasn't doing it the best way. I was doing it the fastest way. I was also assuming my body could keep up with me and I could just go on like that forever. Then my shoulder went out and I had my first surgery, and weight crept back on. It took a long time and didn't happen all at once but soon enough, there I was creeping towards 200lbs again. Only this time I started playing the diet game. The popular game of I'll start tomorrow, so today I'm going to have everything I want. Then, I had another surgery.

I continued playing the yo yo dieting game until I got pregnant when I decided "fuck it." I wasn't going to eat everything I wanted, but I wasn't going to worry about it either. Well, I got so sick that I lost a ton of weight and when all was said and done I walked out of the hospital with a baby and a body that was 10lbs lighter than when I got pregnant. It felt great and so what did I do to celebrate....I ate!

Now, here I sit. I have a son that I want to be healthy for. I have a husband that I want to be sexy for. Lord knows that right now I'm not either of those two. In fact, want to know where I really stand right now?There you have it people. The big secret. I blew right past that 200lb mark and now sit at 264. Wow, it's out there....the scary weight. Do you know I spent my entire pregnancy making my husband wait in the lobby while I got weighed in because I just didn't want him to know how much I weighed? How sad is that? I'm not sure why I felt like the secret needed to be told now. Maybe to motivate me more? Maybe so if there are others out there reading this they will relate and know they are not alone.

So, now the bigger question is what am I going to do about it? Well I'm going to create a get healthy routine based on being a mommy. The easiest excuse is that it is too hard to go to the gym, too hard to go to Weight Watchers meetings. I've decided to start by cutting out the excuses. I'm joining Weight Watchers again because I do feel like it is the best program out there, but I'm going to do it all online. Who needs a meeting when I just told over 500 people how much I weigh? I'm also going to use the Wii and walks with Leyton as my primary exercise. Each Monday I will check in and give you an update. I'll let you know what I did, I'll let you know what I loved, what I hated and all the mistakes I made along the way. I'll also let you know my weight each week. If you are feeling up to it, join along with me.

My primary motivation for all of this is my family. I don't want to be an embarrassment, I don't want to end up sick. I am 35 today and I want to have at the very least 35 more wonderful years....although I'm shooting for a lot more. Thanks for coming along on this ride with me while I go from Wii Fat to Wii Fit!!


Kelly said...


I'm there with you! I started up a blog and am trying to be more accountable for my exercising. I just signed up for a 5K next month and am focusing a lot on eating right. Here's my blog if you are interested. You go girl!

Anonymous said...

Stacey, OMG, hear ya sista', had my low last week similar to you, I've been there with the high [aka the lowest] and hit a low last week [aka a high]! I've had a lot of doctor's appointments and surgeries the last 6 months so lots of opportunities to get on a doctor's scale. Really? They have to weigh you at every appointment? Even the reconstructive surgeon's office? I drove my ass to WW after my appointment last week, pre-op release. Oh, and despite watching my weight slowly increase on the doctor's scale, I was pretty sure that the doctor's scale was incorrect. No way could I have put that much weight back on. Since I'm not working outside of the house, I chose the in-person meeting but I would definitely consider WW on-line. I do go on-line a lot, e-tools, it's a great website, recipes, points, etc. Know that you have a kindred spirit in me if you ever want to talk, e-mail, etc. There is so much in my life right now that I cannot control, toe bone tumor removal on Friday, 1/21, another surgery :-( I know you can relate to a bad toe. Anyway, I'll be in bandages and an orthopedic boot for 6-8 weeks. Even though exercise will be limited, I can at least control what I put in my mouth. That's my goal right now. Get through my next surgeries 1/21 and another 2/3 [4th reconstructive facial surgery], and watch what I put in my mouth. Period! My goal is awareness! Oh, BTW, the doctor's scale was spot on - crap! I had another opportunity at the doctor's appointment today to get on a doctor's scale. I wanted to scream, NO, I'll tell you what it is, trust me, I know! Tomorrow I have another doctor's appointment, another scale - yippee! Best of Luck Stacey. Let's keep in touch. Dawn

Rebecca said...

Good for you, Stacey. I enjoy reading your blog and following Leyton's growth. This morning, I imagined how proud Leyton will be of his mommy when she walks him to kindergarten and is the most fit and healthy mom there! You are great mom, an amazingly funny writer, and (from this reader's perspective) probably a really good person. I'm rooting for you and know you will kick ass with this new venture!

cherns said...

Hi, Stacey,

I have been there with you and tried all kinds of weight loss programs. I finally realized that I was addicted and needed a program that dealt with addictions. I went to Overeaters Anonymous. That was over 17 years ago, and it's been 17 years since I have wanted to eat the foods I knew I was addicted to. I lost the weight and have kept it off for over 17 years. The real miracle is that I don't want to eat that stuff any more. I don't feel deprived. I can be around it and watch others eat it with enjoyment and still not want it. OA is just like AA -- no dues or fees or weigh-ins or anything like that.


Rain said...

As I near 30, I to have been looking at my weight. Today my boss wanted to talk & she mentioned "I've noticed you've gain A LOT of weight since I've known you!" (which has been ten years). I felt so depressed at that moment...and for the rest of the day. Honestly, I have been depressed about the weight for a while. I try to avoid it/ignore it. Depending on the time of year I've yo-yoed between +/- 5-10 pounds...and then it creeps up! Luckily, I have had the chance to walk to & from work everyday being in Santa Barbara. But I'm coming home at the end of the week & I worry that I won't be able to keep up my walking routine. Especially since once home work is a 30-45 minute car ride (depending on traffic) each way! That totally cuts into time trying to exercise! I'm thinking of trying to get into some nighttime dance classes since the idea of "going to the gym" sounds revolting! Plus, it feels like a waste of my money because I've had the gym membership & wasted it before! Good luck to you Stacey in your weight loss goals! Please keep your fingers crossed for me to succeed in mine as well!

Morgan said...

Stacey! Rock on. Here is the awesome recipe blog I found: it is mouthwatering healthy recipes :)


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